1. I got a Ph.D. in English in 1995, for which I had to wade through much contemporary literary theory. I have since been informed that theory is dead. Can I get a tuition refund?
2. How many banana bread recipes does the world need, anyway?
3. Has anyone actually called that 800 number on the back of trucks to answer the question "How's my driving?"
4. How did The Five People You Meet in Heaven ever get to be such a bestseller? It would save time and money to just buy a Hallmark card and read it five times.
5. Will "left-wing" and "right wing" Christians share the same afterlife? If so, who will make the best banana bread at the potlucks?
Oh, Internet, please respond not in a still, small voice, but in my "comments" section. That means you, dear reader. The Internet lives within all of us. Blessings and peace to you. You may go now. And please have some beet cake on your way out.