Dec 9, 2006

Armenian Cholesterol Bombs Found in Delaware County

BROOMALL, PA: By the busy intersection of Rte.3 and Rte. 320, in the small suburb of Broomall, a store ironically called "Armenian Delight" (cash only, not enough parking) is quietly producing cheese boureg, tray by tray. Although cheese boureg may be found at various Armenian festivals throughout the country, Armenian Delight's cheese boureg is especially insidious because, says our tipster, "You can get them all year. They're always in the frozen food case, by the kafta and spanikopita. . ." she trailed off, rolling on her kitchen floor and groaning, holding her tummy with her greasy hands, flecks of phyllo around her mouth.

What makes this boureg so dangerous is that each layer of phyllo pastry is brushed with butter, and in the middle lies a generous layer of mozzarella and cheddar, with a little parsley for color. This glistening, melty bomb provided all too tempting for our tipster, who "really wants to lose 14 lbs," but "couldn't stop eating these things." Her five year-old ate several, which won't hurt him as he will burn it off just jumping up and down while brushing his teeth. The seven-year-old prefers Trader Joe's veggie corn dogs. (Go figure!)

It is believed this cholesterol invasion will only hurt residents of Delaware County, PA, mostly the quiet little community of Armenians in Broomall, who comprise most of the store's customer base. Our tipster drives out there for the salads (artichoke, bean, roasted vegetable) if she is having her book group over. She claims. Also, the hummus. The bhaba ghanoush. The "Armenian pizza" which is oddly without cheese. Not to mention the fresh halvah with pistachios, and, of course, all the nut-honey-phyllo bombs.

One solution to this problem would be to have more ethnic restaurants and take-out joints in Delaware County, to make it less likely for people to find the cheese boureg. Our reporters are tracking the rumor that there is a county-wide ban on Indian restaurants, but generous subsidies for hoagie shops.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the tip! I pass there often (every Thursday) and now I have a good excuse to go in. Just when I though it was safe to wear those pants...

Rachel said...

Okay, now to pass on totally unfounded rumors:

I have never ever seen anyone go in this store. My family has always joked that it is a front for some Armenian mafia of some sort.

Now I have to go in and check it out!

Lucy T said...

Big guffaw! I just love your writing. I do have one friend who loves that place but she's never been able to convince me I should go in. Can I just come over your house and eat what you pick out? No? Oh, OK. How 'bout instead I give you $20 each time you are going there and you can surprise me with a new Armenian delight? Speaking of Aremenias, this post reminded me of Pete the Greek. He was one of two local shoemakers in my hometown growing up. Funny thing was that he wasn't even Greek. Thanks for that memory as well.

Lucy T said...

I really should proof better. . I left out the significant part .. .

Pete the Greek was Aremenian. I sure do tell a bad story - LOL. That's why I am glad I get to read yours.

Lucy T said...

Argh!!!!!

ARMENIAN

Anjali said...

Sounds fabulous. My mouth is watering just thinking about it!

Anonymous said...

I know, I know, what everyone said and more (mouth watering, awesome writing, etc. -- can I copy the? this and the birthday post are so creative!!). Is there any way I can go participate of the book group even though I may not have time to read the books because of the dissertation? :)

I'm going to have to drive out there someday (very out of the way for me) just to check it out -- you bet I will! Too bad I won't be able to eat the cheese ones (I can't really have cheese because of my asthma and respiratory allergies), but the other foods you mention sound awesome too.

And now I'm going to be really, really mean. I'm very skinny, so I could use a few extra pounds. Please, don't kill me now! You started it :D

Lilian said...

Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I, Lilian (from Mama(e) in Translation) am the "anonymous" commenter from Dec. 11.

I had no idea my comment to this post had been posted anonymously until I came back today to link to the post.

Lilian
(in case this one is also anonymous for some reason:)