Sep 25, 2007

Castration Anxiety in the House

Last week I signed a form agreeing to have Zane, our new dog, neutered. The form used not the bland term "neutering," but rather, "castration." Gulp. There he was, sitting next to me at the vets, panting happily and waiting for more dogs or the vet's fat marmalade cat to saunter in to play with him and admire him. Such a happy, trusting pup. I am the one who feeds him, introduces him to the neighbor dogs, brushes him, talks to him in a tone of voice that irritates my husband, and gives him belly rubs. And now I've consented to have his balls cut off.

Jack asks me why can't Zane be a daddy almost every day. "We could just give the puppies to a breeder," he routinely suggests when I say there are too many unwanted puppies in the world. I minimized his impending surgery and said he would still be he same happy dog (perhaps not on the fateful day itself, Oct. 8, his half birthday). We went on:

J: Well, you're neutered, right?

L: I had my tubes tied after Will was born. I'm not neutered! It's different. Zane is a boy, anyway. He's having his testicles cut off. It sounds bad but it isn't. Sometimes men have vasectomies but that's nothing like having testicles cut off. Centuries ago there used to be castrati who had this done. I don't know why. So they could sing with a really high voice, I guess.

J: I can scream really super high. Want to hear me?

L: No.

J: OK. What's your point?

L: I don't know. I'm just going on and on about castration for no reason.

J: Yeah.


Amy said...

Oh, good Lord! How do we have these conversations with our children.

I am calling the vet this week about getting our kitten "fixed." I wonder where my conversation will go when the kids ask me what "fixed" is.

BTW--glad to see you blogging again. :)

Domestic Goddess said...

I nearly shot water out of my nose reading this. Thanks for the laugh, I needed it today!
Yes, Castratis cut themselves off before puberty to maintain a higher voice, almost a falsetto. Whackos. Makes me think of Michael Jackson for some reason. Hmmm...
Thank goodness I have a female dog. But we did have to approach the subject the other night when it was decided that I was going to have a sister for him (or else) and it would have to be due on his next birthday, because that is when his brother came. Uh...not gonna happen.

Anjali said...

Oh, that's too funny Lauren.

O said...

So I went to Buppha Thai tonight to pick up takeout, finally, and it was great, especially for the price.
And who is sitting there but YourGodLovesMeToo and her husband? Such a good influence you are on us! Thanks for blazing the trail.